That Happened to Me

Every day, I meet young people who think being constantly messaged means someone really cares. Who believe jealousy is just part of love. Who aren’t sure if they’ve crossed a line—or if someone else has.

Some are in relationships where they don’t feel safe saying no. Others have started to question their instincts, wondering if they’re overreacting. What starts out feeling like affection slowly turns into pressure. Into control. Into silence. And sometimes, it becomes something much worse.

It’s not that these young people are careless or naive. It’s that no one’s ever explicitly shown them how power can hide inside what looks like love.

At Victim Services Toronto, we don’t just respond to harm—we work to prevent it. T.E.A.R.—Teens Ending Abusive Relationships—was once offered at police headquarters. But we started to see that the students who needed it most often weren’t in those rooms.

So in 2024, we redesigned the program with the Toronto District School Board’s Social Work Department. We embedded our counsellors in six high-priority schools —classrooms where students were already experiencing violence, coercion, and trafficking. Some are 15. Others are 21, still in high school because of intellectual or developmental disabilities, which makes them much more vulnerable to violence or exploitation.

For some, this was the last safe space to learn what consent really means—or that love doesn’t mean control.

We don’t lecture. We talk about what’s happening in their lives: the older boyfriend who messages all day. The pressure to meet in secret. The fear of speaking up.

Over four weeks, the silence breaks. One student says, “That’s happening to my friend.” Another says, “That happened to me.”

That moment—that break in the silence—shows us that the Mobile T.E.A.R. is breaking through.